Problems with Love
by Roxius
Summary: Fran wants Vaan, but he doesn't want her. So, Fran goes with Penelo. Unfortunately, the two women must deal with both homophobes and a young prince with a need for sex. Warning: Femmeslash! Please R & R!
1. Chapter 1

_On board the Strahl…_

"Oh, Vaan, where are you?" Fran moved her long fingers through her white hair and sighed. 'Where can my little Vaan-chan be?' wondered the Viera. She just sighed again and continued her search.

Meanwhile, Vaan was hiding in Balthier's golden bathtub. "Why are you in here?" asked Balthier, who was upset that someone disturbed his daily bubble bath. Vaan raised his head out of the water and exclaimed, "That psycho Viera girl is suffocating me! She won't let me out of her sight!"

Balthier chuckled and replied, "Well, she's crazy in love with you! If I was gay, I'd be after you, too!" "You're no help, Balthier…" Vaan muttered as he climbed out of the tub. Vaan cleaned himself off and walked out into the hall. Suddenly, he felt something hard hit his head and he lost consciousness…

Later…

Vaan slowly regained consciousness and looked around. He was tied to the bed in Fran's room. He looked up and saw Fran slowly remove her armor. "You're mine now, Vaan!" whispered the Viera as she bent down towards Vaan's face.

Suddenly, Penelo entered the room and gasped at the site before her. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO VAAN, YOU PLAYBOY-BUNNY BITCH?" Before anything else could be said, Penelo jumped on Fran and beat the shit out of her. Vaan took that moment to sneak out of the chains and escape.

While running for his life, Vaan accidentally bumped into Basch. "Yeesh! Where are you going in such a hurry?" asked the older man. Vaan quickly apologized and said, "Look, Fran was going to rape me if Penelo hadn't saved me!" "Really? We should go check up on them!" Basch exclaimed.

When Vaan and Basch entered Fran's room, they saw Fran and Penelo making out on the floor. Penelo's shirt was completely unbuttoned, revealing a cotton-white bra. Her hair was down and both girls were covered in sweat. Penelo quickly stood up, her face red, trying to think of an explanation. She couldn't come up with an excuse, so all she said was, "Uh…hi, Vaan!"

Basch fainted from a massive nosebleed and Vaan just stood in the doorway, completely dumbstruck…


	2. Chapter 2

_In the Strahl common room (where they hang out)…_

Balthier was not exactly pleased that day. Not only did Vaan interrupt his bubble bath AGAIN, but he also just found out that his life-long partner in crime is a dyke! "Actually, I think I'm bisexual. I did try to rape Vaan earlier, remember?" Fran corrected him.

Balthier rubbed his temples and exclaimed, "WHO GIVES A DAMN IF YOU'RE BI OR GAY? I STILL NEED TO GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU JUST FUCKED PENELO!" "She did NOT fuck me, you retard!" Penelo shouted in Fran's defense.

"SHE MAY AS WELL HAVE!" Balthier replied. Vaan entered the room and said, "Basch is dying from a loss of blood. What should I do?" "DROP HIM INTO THE AIR- RELEASE VENT FOR ALL I CARE!" shouted the sky pirate.

"Yeesh, what the heck got your steel-lined undies in a knot?" Vaan retorted. Balthier was about to yell again, but he decided to use the smaller font instead. "What do you think?! My best female friend is a fuckin' dyke!"

Fran got up and exclaimed, "STOP CALLING ME A DYKE! I'M BI-SEXUAL AND I LOVE PENELO!!" Balthier waved his hand slightly for silence and began to thinking. After a few moments, a cocky sneer formed on Balthier's face. He turned to Fran and said, "This is all a joke, isn't it? You're getting back at me for something aren't you?"

That done it. Before anything else was said, Fran smacked Balthier hard against the face. She spat on Balthier's shirt before grabbing Penelo by the arm and walking away.

Vaan bent down and chuckled. "Good thing she didn't kick you in the balls or you would be in REAL trouble!" Balthier put his gun against Vaan's forehead and replied, "Shut up…"

Meanwhile…

Fran pulled Penelo close to her and kissed her lips. Penelo blushed slighty as her face pressed against Fran's breasts. Suddenly, streams of tears began rolling down her face. Fran wiped the tears away and whispered, "It'll be okay, Penelo…" Penelo could smell the perfume in Fran's fur as the two lovers kissed again. "Thank you, Fran…" whispered the shorter blond girl.

Fran chuckled and said, "You know, you taste a lot like cherries..." Penelo giggled and kissed Fran again.


	3. Chapter 3

After taking another bubble bath in his golden bathtub, Balthier felt fresh as a daisy…a very gay daisy, anyway. It was two days since Fran and Penelo officially became a couple and Balthier is trying his best to stay oblivious to it.

"You're gonna have to accept it sometime, Balthier. Ignorance isn't healthy…" Bash said as he ate his eggs. He just recently had been revived from his coma using a few well-placed Phoenix Downs. Balthier laughed heartily and replied, "What are you talking about, my friend? Anyway…where is Fran today?"

"She and Penelo went down to Rabanastre for breakfast. We decided to stay here to make sure you don't try to kill yourself or something…" Vaan replied. "Why would I try to kill myself?" Balthier asked. "Because Fran's a lesbian…" Balthier sat still for a few moments. Suddenly, he got up and said, "I'll be right back…" After Balthier left the room, Vaan and Basch waited a few secnods before running after him.

"Damn him! He's always trying to steal my thunder!" Basch shouted furiously.

* * *

Penelo let the scent of Fran's fur fill her as she rested her head against the Viera's shoulder. Fran could pick up the voices of the people watching them. Fran tensed up slightly, trying to not let other people put her down.

Penelo looked up into Fran's ruby red eyes and asked, "What's wrong? You seem…upset…" Fran blushed slightly at Penelo's sweet face. Fran cupped Penelo's face and kissed her gently. "Nothing's wrong, babe. Nothing…" she whispered.

Fran tried to keep smiling for Penelo despite hearing people cry out and murmur in disgust.

"Ugh…why don't those two dykes just go to the Lowtown or something?"

"That Viera is probably hundreds of years old! She's a pedophile!"

"Damn lesbos…they're sick!"

Fran sighed and continued walking with Penelo, her ears still ringing with those hateful comments. Penelo heard them too, but didn't say anything. She only wished that people would accept their love…

* * *

"I HAVE NO REASON TO LIVE!!"

"BALTHIER, JUST PUT THE GUN DOWN AND STEP AWAY!"

"NEVER! NEVER!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

"GOD, STOP BEING A FUCKIN' RETARD AND COME OVER HERE!"

"Okay…"

"…………."


	4. Chapter 4

The Sandsea Diner… 

Penelo turned to Fran and asked, "Why did we come here again? I'm sure we could have went somewhere…cleaner." Fran sighed and said, "It's the only place that we can afford. Balthier's very serious about money…" Penelo shrugged and sighed, admitting defeat.

Fran and Penelo took their seats and looked around, noticing everyone was staring at them as if they were waiting for something. "Uh…what's…going on?" Penelo whispered. Fran thought for a moment before realizing what they must be waiting for. "Maybe…they want us to kiss or something…" Fran suggested.

Penelo groaned and muttered, "We finally find some people that accept our sexuality, and all they want is to watch two girls make out!" Fran knew exactly what to do to get these guys off her back. She quickly grabbed Penelo and began kissing her on the lips. Suddenly, all the men (and a few girls) fell over from massive nosebleeds. Fran made a victory pose and said, "AND THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE!"

Penelo giggled and exclaimed, "You really know how to kiss!"

* * *

"So…what do we do with Balthier?" asked Basch. After Balthier's little suicide attempt, Vaan and Basch had to tie him up in chains and lock him in his room. Vaan suddenly had an awesome idea. "We could take him to Hallow Bastion and have him make sex with Maleficent!" Basch shook his head and replied, "No, that witch doesn't do that anymore…" "Dang! I was hoping to go later today!"

Bach just shuddered at that thought and said, "I think we should just kill him, actually! I missed out buying the Wii because of that ass!" Vaan chuckled and stuck his Wii in the closet for later. From within the sky pirate's bedroom, the two men could hear Balthier's pitiful screams for help as a Xenomorph slowly began to eat his brain. "Damn, I think he's fucked!" Basch shouted.

Suddenly, Vaan pulled out an extra Wii he bought (because Basch is his super special awesome friend) and cried, "Huzzah! Toys of Quality!" Basch shrieked like a little girl and ran off to play with his new game system. Vaan grinned and decided to find to see if the rumors of 'Fran's secret lesbo-porn room' were true…

* * *

Penelo let out a groan of pleasure as Fran's lips pressed against her's. To keep the perverted crowd at bay, Fran and Penelo got into a total make-out session, complete with sexy lingerie. Fran's tongue moved around in Penelo's mouth, licking the roof of her gums. Penelo pushed her self against Fran and rubbed against her gently.

Fran moved back and slid her fingers down to Penelo's panties. One of the bangas was drooling so much, one of the guys nearby drowned. Fran grinned and whispered, "Do you think they're satisfied yet?" Penelo blushed and shook her head. Fran grinned and replied, "Good…" And with that, Fran inserted her fingers into Penelo.

* * *

"Uh…..Vayne?"

"What is it, Larsa?"

"Do you…think I'm gay?"

"Yes, Larsa. I really do think you're gay…"

"DAMN YOU TO HELL!"

"OH YEAH? WELL…YOU'RE A STINKY BOY! HA!"

"Vayne…you suck at insults…"

"STINKY DIAPER! STINKY DIAPER! BWA HA HA HA!!"

"SHUT UP, VAYNE! I'M TRYING TO THINK!"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKYYYYYY!!!!"

"I MUST UN-GAY MYSELF! BUT HOW?"

"Maybe…you could sex a chick?"

"I AM NOT GOING TO FUCK POULTRY, YOU RETARD!"

"I meant Penelo or something, you idiot!"

"Ah…that, my friend, is an entirely different matter! Very well, then, Vayne! Set course for Rabanastre!"

"Sure! Just let me finish my ramen!"

"Fine…"


	5. Chapter 5

After playing a rousing game of 'Rayman: Raving Rabbids', Vaan decided it was time to go and pick up Fran and Penelo. Unfortunately, this was going to be a long day for our heroes. "Uh, Vaan?" Bach asked as he piloted the Strahl towards Rabanastre. Vaan looked up from a book he was reading and said, "Yeah? What's up, Basch?" "Um…why is there a giant royal air ship hovering over Rabanastre?"

Vaan pushed Basch out of the way and looked through the glass. Sure enough, there was a giant air ship floating over the city, casting a shadow that covered the entire populace. Vaan almost had conniptions when he saw the Solidor Family Symbol engraved into the air ship's wings.

"OH MY GOD! IT MUST BE THAT LITTLE ASSHOLE, LARSA!" Vaan cried, "HE'S COME FOR PENELO!" Suddenly, the two men heard an explosion from within the airship. Once they found the source of the explosion, they found Balthier missing and his room blown to smithereens.

Vaan picked up a shard of broken glass and said, "Oh, shit…"

Meanwhile…

Fran and Penelo had just left the Sandsea when they were suddenly surrounded by armed guards. Fran sighed and said, "Look, guys. We're not in the mood to fight right now, okay? Besides, why don't you guys try to make something of yourselves and become actors?"

"SHUT UP, RABBIT SLUT!" exclaimed one of the guards as he poked Fran gently with his sword. It took all of Penelo's strength and more to keep Fran from ripping the guard limb by limb. Suddenly, a voice said, "Ah…we meet again, Penelo…"

Larsa stepped out from behind two guards and exclaimed, "I HAVE COME TO TAKE PENELO AS MY WIFE!" Fran turned her focus away from the guards and replied, "What kind of drug did you take today, you little freak? In case you haven't been following the story, Penelo is MY girl!"

The world was in complete silence for a moment before Larsa burst out laughing. Fran clenched her teeth and tightened her grip on her bow as she watched Larsa roll around on the ground. After a few seconds, Larsa finally regained control of himself.

"PLEASE, YOU STUPID VIERA SLUT! WHY WOULD PENELO LOVE YOU? SHE OBVIOUSLY LOVES ME!" Larsa proclaimed. Penelo couldn't take it anymore. Full of rage and fury, Penelo ran at Larsa, her sword (which she stole from Vaan) drawn. Her attack was blocked by one of the guards. "PENELO!!" Fran tried to run over to help her lover, but she was hit against the head by a hammer, knocking her to the ground.

"FFFFFRRRRRAAAAANNNN!!!!" cried Penelo as she was dragged away. Larsa chuckled at Fran's unconscious form and said, "You lost, you disgusting dyke. You lost…" Fran groaned in pain as her sight began to fade. Just before she lost consciousness, Fran muttered one word: "Penelo…"

_'PENELO…COME BACK…I NEED YOU…I LOVE YOU…'_

* * *

Later, a mysterious figure in brown robes stood over Fran, his voice filled with concern and regret. "Poor thing. Your loved one has been stolen from you. Life is unfair, isn't it? However, you must not give up…" The man lifted Fran over his shoulders and carried her away… 


	6. Chapter 6

Fran let out a slight groan. Her head was pounding. Suddenly, she remembered what had just happened. "PENELO!!!" Fran shouted as she quickly sat up. There was no answer. Fran paused for a moment and looked around. She was in her room on _Strahl_. Fran felt a slight shiver crawl up her spine. Suddenly, Vaan walked in and said, "Hey, you're awake! That's good…"

"Vaan…why am I back on the airship?" demanded the Viera. "We're going after Larsa. We need to save Penelo after all." Vaan replied. Fran jumped out of bed, but quickly realized that she was naked. However, that didn't stop Vaan from getting a nosebleed.

After getting dressed, Vaan led Fran to the control room where Balthier and Basch were waiting for them. "Glad to see you're finally awake, Fran! I was worried you were hurt when I found you unconscious…" Balthier said. Fran gave him a slight smile and replied, "I'm glad you've learned to accept my relationship with Penelo…"

Balthier just nodded and jumped into the main cockpit. Vaan pumped his fist in the air and shouted, "ALL RIGHT! LET'S GO SAVE PENELO…AND BUY 'LEGEND OF ZELDA' FOR THE WII!!!" Everyone cheered as the airship blasted off through the sky…

* * *

Meanwhile…

After being captured by Larsa, Penelo was put into a fancy dress and tied to a stake. Larsa chuckled as he watched his future wife struggle to free herself. "YOU GOD DAMN BASTARD! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND!!!" Penelo screamed. Her anger was coming to a boiling point.

Larsa cupped Penelo's face in his hands and said, "Penelo, my sweet, you will forgive me someday…" "LIKE FUCK THAT'LL HAPP-" Larsa cut Penelo off by placing his lips against her's. As the perverted little prince's tongue lashed about in Penelo's mouth, his hands slowly explored the crevices of her body.

Penelo couldn't take much more of this. She swung up her foot and landed a powerful kick to Larsa's balls. Penelo laughed at him as the little prince bent over in pain. "HOW YOU LIKE THAT, ASSHOLE? NOW…UNTIE ME!!!" Larsa stood up, his balls still throbbing in pain, and said, "As if! You're going to marry me…whether you like it or not!"

As Larsa hobbled out of the room, Penelo sighed and muttered, "Crap…"

A/N: Sorry that this chapter isn't that long!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!


	7. Chapter 7

"Are we there yet?" Vaan moaned. After three solid days of flying, the main characters still haven't caught up to Larsa yet. Vaan was bored out of his mind, Fran was hiding in her room 24/7, and Basch died again for some unknown reason. Balthier wasn't exactly in a happy mood, either.

"WE'LL BE THERE WHEN WE GET THERE! SO…SHUT UP!!!" screeched the infuriated sky pirate at his orphan friend. Vaan just mumbled something about 'toenails' under his breath and walked away to use the potty. Balthier spat on Basch's rotting corpse in fury and went back to piloting the ship.

Meanwhile, Fran was moping over Penelo's safety. Not even a carrot-chocolate cake (her favorite kind of cake) could get her out of her room. As Vaan went 'pee-pee in the potty', as he liked to call it, he suddenly had a ridiculously underrated and complicated plan to rescue Penelo in thirty minutes or less.

Vaan chuckled to himself and thought, 'Soon…I will show them! I WILL SHOW THEM ALL! BWA HA HA HA HA- Crap, I'm laughing in my head again…'

* * *

Meanwhile…

Larsa knew that his amazing charm and sexual desires were not enough to woo Penelo into being his wife. So, he decided to bend the rules of love a bit and cheat using complicated machinery and cliché plots.

Larsa pulled out a walkie-talkie and shouted, "Guards! Bring me my 'How to Marry Bitches for Dummies' book!" "But…but…but you're in the shower!" "SO? STOP BEING A WUSS AND BRING IT!" Larsa hung up the phone and grumbled, "Yeesh…it's so hard to find good help these days…"

After nearly losing his eyesight from seeing a naked 14-15 year old boy, the guard was able to deliver the book to his boss. While drying himself off, Larsa flipped through the book, hoping for something that will be of actual use. Suddenly, Larsa found what he was looking for.

An evil smirk formed on his lips as he read the book.

Later…

It had been three days, and poor Penelo was still tied to a stake. Her face and clothes were dirty and she barely eaten anything. One of the nearby guards walked up to her and said, "You poor thing. Not only are you starving and dirty, but you were taken from the only person you love…"

Penelo looked up at the guard's cold steel helmet and whispered (her voice had grown horse from screaming so much), "Does this mean…you'll help me?" Without a word, the guard slowly lifted his hands up and removed his helmet, revealing his true face. It was Vayne Solidor. A long diagonal scar was etched across his face.

"V-Vayne? What…you…but Larsa…I thought he…WHAT'S GOING ON?" Vayne put a gloved hand over Penelo's mouth to silence her. He leaned close to Penelo's ear and whispered, "I have lost my position as head of the Solidor House. My brother has been tainted with greed and power, turning him into-"

"The biggest asshole to ever live?" "Exactly…" Vayne unsheathed his sword and sliced the chains, freeing Penelo. Vayne gave her a slight nod and whispered, "Find a way to contact your friends…quickly now!" Penelo thanked him and ran off.

Vayne knew what he had to do now. "BETTER WATCH OUT, LITTLE BROTHER, BECAUSE BIG BRO'S COMING TO GET YA!"


	8. Chapter 8

_ROYAL GAY ROOM…_

Completely unaware to the fact that Vayne is going to kill him and that Penelo escaped, Larsa hummed quietly to himself as he applied some gel to his hair. Suddenly, the door slowly creaked open. Larsa spun around and found himself face to face with his brother, Vayne.

"B-Brother? What are you doing here?" Larsa exclaimed. He was so nervous that he accidentally knocked over an entire box of various perfumes. Vayne raised the sword he held in his hands and said, "I have come to reclaim my position in the Solidor family!"

Suddenly, Larsa's expression went from fear to smugness. Lightly toying with the gel bottle in his hands, Larsa replied, "I suppose you plan on killing me, yes? Slice my body in half and crush my skull?"

Vayne wasn't too sure where Larsa was getting at, but he couldn't show any sign of weakness. "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I PLAN TO DO!" He replied. Larsa shook his head like he felt sorry for Vayne. "You wouldn't really become so obsessed with pride that you would kill your own brother, your last living relative, would you?" Larsa asked with a devious smirk etched across his face.

Vayne cursed under his breath and thought, 'He's trying to play the 'last living relative' card on me!' Seeing that Vayne had lost his composure, Larsa tossed the gel bottle to the ground and charged at his big brother.

Vayne swung his sword to protect himself, but instead he felt a sharp pain from his stomach. He looked down and saw a small custom-made sword wedged deep into his ribs.

Larsa looked up at Vayne with a big grin on his face. As the warm crimson liquid began to seep out of the wound, Larsa said, "This sword is called 'Lion's Fang'. It can cut through just about anything. Plus, I can hide it in my sleeve so I can pull it out when the time is right!"

Vayne had to admit that his brother had gotten a lot stronger. Larsa pulled the sword out of Vayne's chest and licked some blood off of it. Vayne tried to speak again, but a bubble of blood suddenly burst out of his mouth.

Larsa chuckled darkly and hissed, "Did I forget to mention that when this sword cuts through the skin, it lets out a special poison that rips your body from the inside out!" Vayne tried to reach out to Larsa, hoping to wring the little bastard's neck, but his legs began to give out.

The last thing Vayne saw as his vision faded was Larsa laughing triumphantly over him…

* * *

"Hey, guys, I just realized something…"

Balthier took the magazine off his face and looked over at Basch, who was twiddling his thumbs nervously. 'Since when did Basch come back to life…?' Balthier wondered as he sat up.

"How do you know where Larsa is heading, anyway?" asked the ex-soldier. Suddenly, Balthier realized that he actually had no idea where Larsa was! Without a single word, Balthier got up and walked up to the deck so he can scream his lungs out in fury.

Meanwhile, Vaan had plans of his own. After three days of careful planning, he finally had everything he needed to begin his master plan. Vaan looked over the blue prints and broke out into maniac laughter. "WA HA HA HA HA!" Soon, he got tired of laughing and ran off to tell everyone about his master plan.

"YO, BASCH!" Basch quickly tossed away the porn magazine he was reading and asked, "What is it now? I came back to life four hours ago and I still have a headache…"

"I want to tell you about my master plan!" Vaan exclaimed. His eyes were practically glowing with enthusiasm. Basch grunted in response, which translates to 'Fine. I won't give a crap, but you can tell me, anyway…'.

Vaan cleared his throat and began to reveal the steps of his so-called 'Master Plan'.

"Okay, first, we build this robot. We gotta build a really BIG robot with cannons and lasers and stuff. Then, we send it to find Larsa and destroy him. However, Larsa will probably freak out and try to escape before the robot can kill him. So we have the robot use some kind of dairy-based weapon, like the Milk Blade, and he gives Larsa a really bad leg cramp since anything that has to do with dairy products gives Larsa bad leg cramps! Finally, we grab Penelo while he isn't looking and then we finish him off!"

Basch, who wasn't even paying attention in the first place, looked out the window and muttered, "Or we could just infiltrate the place right now…" Vaan looked out the window and saw that they were about to crash into Larsa's airship.

Vaan sighed and thought, 'No one ever likes my ideas!'

* * *

A/N: I've actually updated! Oh my god! Anyway, there will be some action scenes later on! 


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